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^HE WILL 

A FARCE 



In One Act 



By 
Mary Meek Atkeson 



New York 

Orange Judd Publishing Company, Inc. 

1922 



Copyright 1922, 

by 

Orange Judd Publishing Company 



Printed in the United States of America 



THE WILL 

A FARCE 



In One Act 



By 
Mary Meek Atkeson 



New York 
Orange Judd Publishing Company 

1922 



PERSONS OF THE PLAX 

Alice, heiress to her uncle's wealth, 

Jane, her friend. 

Sam Hastings, Alice's lover. 

The scene is an old-fashioned study. To the right is an 
open fireplace, the mantel above it decorated with vases and 
bronze ornaments. At the rear is a desk stuffed with papers, 
and near the middle of the room a table piled with books. 
Several dark-toned oil paintings hang upon the waif. Com- 
fortable chairs are drav^n up before the fire. 

As the curtain rises, Alice, in a white dress with black 
mourning ribbons, is seated before the fire. Jane, on a low 
stool at her feet, leans against her knee. The dreamy fair- 
haired Alice is more beautiful, though Jane's vivacity gives 
her unusual charm. For. a moment nothing is spoken. 



THE WILL 



Alice (looking about the room) : To think that only a 
month ago dear uncle was in this very room, Jane. It doesn't 
seem possible, does it? 

Jane {comforting) ; But, dear, he was an old, old man, 
you know. 

Alice {wiping her eyes) : But every day that uncle lived 
was a blessing to his friends. Even when he was so sick 
with influenza last winter all his thoughts were for others. 

Jane: I remember how you nursed him through it all. 

Alice: I was just glad to. He was such a dean. 
{Dreamily.) Some of the happiest days of my life I have 
spent in this old house. 

Jane {teasing) : I guess Sam Hastings had a lot to do 
with that, didn't he? 

Alice {frankly) : Yes, perhaps he had. He's a man that 
any girl would be proud to have for a friend, I think. 

Jane {making a wry face) : I saw him with that rich 
Miss Upson to-day. I think he might have come to see you 
oftener when you were in trouble — instead of less. 

Alice: Don't, Jane. You know how some people feel 
about such things. Perhaps Sam can't bear it at all. 

Jane {impudently) : Huh! He'd bear it all right if you 

5 



6 THE WILL 

had as much money as Sallie Upson. I'd be willing to bet 
on that. 

Alice {really provoked) : Two thousand a year ought to 
be enough for any man to expect me to have. I'm sure I 
thought uncle was mighty generous. And, Jane, I'd like 
for you to remember that you're talking about my friend 
when you talk about Sam Hastings. I've sometimes 
thought 

[She looks away into the fire. Jane jumps up to hug her.'\ 

Jane: Yes, I've sometimes thought you did! Forgive 
me, Allie, I'm a mean and suspicious little beast, so I am. 

Alice: You're not anything of the kind. I wish I had 
your head on my shoulders. Mine has such wild, romantic 
streaks in it 

Jane {kissing Alice's hair) : That's why we love you, 
dear. 

Alice {confidentially) : You know I've been thinking of 
that young engineer we passed on the street last night — the 
one that's staying at Mrs. Barns', you know. There was 
something about his eyes — and his chin 

[A hell rings outside.~\ 

Jane: Oo! I'll answer it. 

[She returns in a moment with Sam Hastings^] 

Sam {importantly) : I've come to tell you the great good 
news! 

Both Girls: News! 

Sam : It*s about Alice, and it's the greatest thing that ever 
could happen. You can't guess! {He stands in front of 
them beaming,) 



THE WILL 7 

Alice {sadly) : I haven't been looking for good news, 
since uncle's death. 

Jane {impatiently); Out with it, Sam Hastings. Can't 
you see we're dying to hear? 

Sam: Well, it's got about town somehow that Lawyer 
Pearson drew up a will for your uncle just last winter. 

Alice: Well, we found it. Didn't you know that? 

Sam: But this was a later one. This one was made 
after you had nursed him through the flu. 

Alice {dreamily) : I remember the lawyer was here. 

Jane: What is it? You are the slowest person to tell 
news I ever saw. 

Sam {rubbing his hands delightedly) : Why, Alice gets 
the whole thing — all his property except some keepsakes to 
his friends. 

Alice: Everything? Oh, surely 

Jane {stoutly) : Well, I think that's only fair. He 
wouldn't have lived last winter if Alice hadn't nursed him 
so well. Everybody says so. 

Alice {still in a dream) : I did so little — and he gave 
me everything. 

Sam : That's what they say. It must amount to a lot of 
money. Think of this fine home you can live in — and the 
big estate, the cattle — and the horses 

Jane : But where is that will ? 

Sam: Must be among her uncle's papers, so they say. 

Alice: Oh, but I looked them all over. 

Sam {importantly) : I'll bet you didn't go about it in a 
systematic way. It must be in this very room right now. 



8 THE WILL 

Jane {jumping excitedly up and down) : Oh, this is such 
great news I must run right home and tell it ! Good-by. 

\_She runs out.] 

Sam (tenderly) : Alice, why have you been so cruel to 
me lately? You must know IVe always loved you — ^and 
yet you have no pity upon me at all. 

Alice (with ready tears) : I'm sorry, Sam. Dear uncle 
was so sick I couldn't think of anybody else. You know I 
like you. 

Sam: "Like" me! I'm crazy about you, Alice. Can't 
you love me? 

Alice: I don't know. I didn't mean to hurt you, Sam, 
when you've always been so kind. 

Sam (putting his arm round her) : Alice, I have thought 
of nothing but you for a whole year. Say you will marry 
me, please say it, Alice ! 

Alice (drawing away) : I don't know, Sam. I'm so 
unsettled, now, with this new will and everything. Hon- 
estly, I don't think there is such a will, at all. 

Sam (earnestly) : Alice, promise me — promise me right 
now that you'll marry me — if we do find the will. 

Alice (listlessly) : Well (As Sam tries to kiss her,) 

No, no — don't do that. (Covering her face with her hands 
nervously.) Wait till we've found the will! 

Sam (tenderly) : My dear one! 

Alice: I feel (Rubbing her hand across her eyes.) 

Sam, I'm not myself to-day. I don't seem to know what I 
am doing or saying. 

Sam (energetically) : Now, don't you worry about any- 
thing, my dear. I'll run down and tell them I'm not coming 



THE WILL 9 

back to work and then we can search for that will. I'm 
sure I can find it in no time. {He goes out.) 

Alice {to herself) : I wonder if I really want him to? 
[^She stares into the fire.l 

Jane {running in gaily) : Wasn't that the greatest news! 
I knew your uncle was a brick, but I didn't know he was as 
bricky as all that. My, isn't it fine! 

Alice: Yes, yes, I guess so. It's a great responsibility. 
If I only knew what dear uncle would want me to do 

Jane : You're thinking too much, AUie. Let's look for 
that will. 

Alice {fearfully) : No, no, not now. 

Jane : Well, then, let's get to work on something to get 
j'our mind off your troubles. {Going to the desk,) Did you 
copy those salad recipes you said you wanted ? 

Alice {going to her) : Yes, I did that. They're on those 
long sheets of paper. I think I'll look over these things again. 
Uncle made so many little requests I'm afraid I'll forget 
something. Here's one list: "My best pipe to Stephen 
Jones; my reading glass to the negro minister; my walking 
stick " I've done all those. 

\_She pulls out another bunch of papers and looks through 
thenij then stops suddenly, staring at a long paper tied 
with a red cord.^ Jane! 

Ja-^e {startled): What! 

Alice {soberly) : Jane, I've found that will. {She holds 
up the paper.) It's been folded up in something else. 

Jane : Hooray ! Read it this minute ! 

Alice: There's a lot of lawyer words first. Let me 
see "To my dear niece, Alice, since by her loving de- 



10 THE WILL 

votion she has saved my life, I feel it is but just to give her in 

return all that I have to give " "All that I have to 

give," Jane. 

Jane: Glory be! {The bell rings. Alice starts up as 
if frightened.) Why, w^hat's the matter? Aren't you glad 
you found it? 

Alice {nervously) : Oh, no, no. I wish I hadn't. I 
wish I were dead ! 

Jane: Alice, are you losing your mind? 

Alice: You don't understand, Jane, what it means. 
While 5^ou were gone I — I promised Sam Hastings I'd marry 
him if we found the will! And that's Sam now, I know it is. 

Jane {aghast) : What in the world did you do that for? 

Alice {trembling) : I don't know. He said I had been 
neglectful — and I hadn't meant to hurt him — and^ — and I 
didn't really think we'd find it, anyway. 

Jane: And you don't love him? 

Alice: I didn't know then, Jane, honest, I d^idn't. But 
when he tried to kiss me I thought of that young engineer, 
you know, that we saw on the street last night. He is so 
different somehow — so big and manly and real — I suddenly 

knew Oh, Jane, do help me find out something about 

him. {Covering her face with her hands.) Oh, I'm such 
a goose! 

[The bell rings again and Alice shivers with fright.l 

Jane: Give me that paper a minute and let me think. 
{She goes to the desk and turns her back to the audience for 
a moment, while Alice walks up and down in great agita- 
tion.) Now, I have it. You needn't tell him you've found 
the will. {She hands the paper to Alice.) 



THE WILL H 

Alice: But what can I do with It? 

Jane {running to the door as the bell rings again,) 
Hide it ! There, in one of those bronze figures. He'll never 
think to look there. 

Alice {looking about her wildly as she thrusts the paper 
into the figure) : Oh, if only I hadn't promised! 

l^Jane shows in Sam Hastings, pausing long enough to 
shake her fist at his back, then goes out.} 

Sam {in great good humor) : Gee, I thought I never was 
going to get in, Alice. Now, I'll find you that will. 

Alice {nervously) : Oh, Sam, don't! I — I'm all un- 
strung. {Appealing.) What do we care about an old will, 
anyway ? 

Sam : Care ! For a thing that means a million ! Well, I 
should say {Remembering himself.) Don't you re- 
member, Alice, you promised to marry me If we found It? 

Alice: Yes, I remember. 

Sam: Well, you can see why I'm so crazy about it. 
Honest, I can't wait to have it settled. {He turns to 
search.) 

Alice {trying to distract his attention) : But — ^but, Sam, 

Fm sure if I loved you enough to marry you, it wouldn't 

Oh, Fm certain we won't find it, anyway. 

Sam: I'd like to know why not? This Is all foolishness. 
What It needs is a little systematic search. Women always 
look over things a dozen times before they find them. 

[He turns to the desk and begins going through the 
papers, Alice sinks into a chair and buries her face in her 
hands. When the papers yield nothing Sam examines the 
desk itself,'] 



12 THE WILL 

Sam {tapping on the wood)'. Ah! A secret drawer! I 
told you so. {He jerks out a small drawer triumphantly.) 

Alice {giggling) : That's uncle s special imported to- 
bacco. 

\Sam slams the drawer back and turns to the mantel J\ 

Alice {nervously) i Sam, let's give it up! 

Sam ; Never ! 

Alice {desperately) : Sam, you don't love me! 

Sam {a bit absentmindedly) : I worship the ground you 
walk on, Alice. 

Alice {her handkerchief to her eyes) : No, you don't. 
You're not interested in me at all. It's nothing but that 
old will ! 

Sam {turning and taking her in his arms) : Alice, Alice 
{Teasing,) And are you jealous, dear? 

Alice {drawing away) : Well, why shouldn't I be? 

With you paying no attention to me? I dare say uncle 
burned up that will, anyway. 

Sam {evidently disturbed): Of course he might 

{Looking over Alice's head.) There! It's behind a pic- 
ture. That's where it is ! 

\^He puts Alice aside quickly and goes to examine the pic- 
tures. Then he goes to the mantel^ picks up one statue and 
is reaching for the other.'\ 

Alice {starting up in agonized haste) : Oh, Sam, not 
that — not that one. {She snatches up the figure.) 

Sam : I don't see why not ! That would be • 

Alice: Oh, but dear uncle loved this Hermes best of 
all! 



THE WILL 13 

Sam {staring) : It Isn't a Hermes, it's a Juno. 

Alice: Well, whatever it is — it's the one he loved best. 
I can't let any one touch it. 

\_Sam tries to watch her, but she waits till his hack is 
turned, then slips the paper into a hook on the table.] 

Alice (showing the statue) : There! I told you it vi^asn't 
there. 

Sam {suspiciously) : No, — It isn't. 

[After Alice has set the figure back, he picks it up and she 
pays no attention. He whistles and turns toward the table.] 

Alice {picking up a book) : I was reading this one. 

Sam : That's no reason I shouldn't look it through. 

Alice: But I must finish It! It's the most exciting 
thing, really. 

Sam {looking at the back of the book) : It's a dictionary! 
It must be exciting! 

Alice: Oh! Oh, well, didn't you ever get excited 
reading the dictionary? 

Sam {dryly) : I must say I never did. Alice, give me 
that book. You know the will's in there. I see the edge 
of the paper, right now. 

Alice {stoutly) : Well, every old paper isn't a will. I 
was writing out some salad recipes on big paper just like 
that. 

Sam: Very likely story! If it's salad recipes, you 
oughtn't to mind my seeing them. There's nothing secret 
about them, I reckon. 

Alice : I guess my recipes are my business and not yours, 
Sam Hastings! 



.14 THE WILL 

Sam {now really angry)'. Give me that book, I tell you! 

Alice {with dignity) ; Sam Hastings, do you mean you 
doubt my word? 

Sam: Don't I need to — ^when you promised to marry 
me if we found that money, and then try to keep it from 
me ? Give it to me ! 

Alice {warningly): Sam! 

Sam {jerking the book from her) : There it is! With the 
red string round it, just as I knew it was! Now, what have 
you to say? {Jane enters unobserved.) 

Alice {snatching the will) : What have I to say? It's 
this. You think you're mighty smart, Sam Hastings, be- 
cause you got me to say I'd marry you — when I was off 
my guard. Now I see what you really are. This isn't a 
will — it's a won't!! There! {She tears the paper and 
throws it into the fire.) Now, what have you to say? 

Sam {stunned) : But your uncle's legacy! 

Alice: He gave me the best legacy he possibly could, 
Sam Hastings, when he left me something that would show 
me what a scoundrel you are. You cared only for my 
money. Now I know it. 

[She drops into a chair and begins crying,^ 

Jane {indignantly) : I think it's about time you got out 
of here, Sam Hastings, and never came back! {He glares 
at her, but grabs his hat and goes. Jane puts her arms around 
Alice.) He*s gone, dear. He won't ever bother you any 
.more. 

Alice: Oh, Jane, I hate him! I hate him! — And I've 
burned up dear uncle's will! {She cries.) 

Jane {shaking her) : Listen! Thai wasn't the will you 



THE WILL 15 

burned up. I slipped the red string from one paper to 
another before I left. That was your salad recipes! 

Alice {wiping her eyes) : Oh, Jane, Jane! — ^Why, that's 
what I told Sam it was! 

Jane: Well, it was no lie. And he can*t object when 
he finds out it really was. Honest, dear, I thought I'd scream 
when I slipped in and found you doing all those big heroics 
over a bunch of recipes! It was too funny! 

Alice: But where is the will? 

Jane {patting her pocket) : Right here. I took it right 
along with me. I'll give it back — ^when you or Sam, one, is 
safely married to some one else. He'll marry that rich 
Upson girl soon enough, never fear. 

Alice: Oh, I hate him. How I could ever have 
thought 

Jane {excitedly) : Oh, Allie, I found out about that 
engineer! He's not married, and he's going to stay all sum- 
mer. And, oh, Allie 

[She drops upon the footstool^ giggling.} 

Alice: Well? 

Jane {almost overcome) : I — I found out — ^his name 

Alice {shaking her) : Don't be such a goose. Tell me! 
You know I'm dying to hear. A name makes such a dif- 
ference ! 

Jane: His — ^his name is WILL!! 

Alice: Oh!— Well, now, I think that's wonderful. It 
sounds like a real man. Don't you like it, Jane? 

Jane {still giggling) : Yes, yes— I like all kinds of wills. 

Alice {starting up excitedly) : He's wonderful, I know. 
Let's run upstairs and powder our noses, quick. I must 



16 THE WILL 

arrange to meet him right away. I knew the minute I saw 
him he was the finest fellow in the world. Now, isn't that 
romantic ! 

Jane {hesitating) : But we can't meet him, Allie. We 
don't even know Mrs. Barns, nor anything. 

Alice {eagerly as they reach the door) : I don't know 
how I'll do it, dear, I haven't had time to figure it out. But, 
Jane {impressively), WHERE THERE'S A WILL 
THERE'S A WAY! 



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